Yasmin in Istanbul, Turkey

So close

Im hanging over the edge of the bed typing on my iPad which is on the floor because that’s the only place it gets a strong signal.

This post will be short.

I went swimming, snorkeling, and diving. We stayed at a lame yet too expensive hotel but the swim I had was fun.

I really miss my love and can’t wait to come home. 2 more days. I am SO excited.

I love you dear. You are everything to me.

4 days!

I’m writing this from my iPad so I’ll keep it brief.

Today I bought pants. Did nothing. And watched twilight. It was an alright day. At this point I just want the days to go by.

Tomorrow we are staying at a hotel somewhere by a beach. I won’t be able to talk to my beloved. :(

I miss you dear. I can’t wait to be home soon. Slowly but surely the days are going by and I’ll be there. :) I can’t wait to see your beautiful face. Muah! I’m in love with you darling

5 more days until i’m back!

i am so excited to be going back home. I have 5 more days and i can’t wait. I am already making sure i have most of my stuff together so i can be ready for when i have to pack.

Yesterday my dad took me from my grandmas and we went to a place called Kilos. There were beaches there so we went swimming. The first beach we went to was WAY over crowded. It was crazy … and it was kind of dirty too. The minute we walked near the shore there was a huge group of people chasing a guy.. Some of the guys were holding sticks. The guy that was being chased tripped and a group of dudes starting beating him. It was terrifying. They were kicking him, and i could hear the thuds of the sticks and their fists hitting his torso. We had no idea what went on but it was clearly a savage fight… and it attracted a LOT of attention.

My dad was nervous for us so he told us to be careful and stick together. The beach was over crowded and there were a lot of douche bags there. I put on my goggles and just tried to enjoy the beach. It was SUPER wavy though. So i couldn’t see anything. I spent about 10 minutes in the beach and then we decided to leave. Cops were arriving to find out how the fight had started and my laptop and ipad were in the car so i was nervous. We left to find another beach.

We drove about 20 minutes or so and found a much nicer beach. It was sort of expensive to get into but the rules of that beach are that no single guys are allowed in. A guy has to be with a girl to get into the beach. Which i guess is good but it sucks for all the single guys out there. Either way it was safer, no chance of a rowdy fight breaking out.

After spending time at the beach (it was cloudy most of the time too) we were ready to go home. My dad knows about all my tattoos and fully accepts it. Which is great. He asks about Ryan, like how he is doing and how our apartment is , which is nice of him.

We got back home and i was surprised with how empty the place was. There are two mattresses and that is it. I tried to go online but as it turns out the internet only works in the room my sister is in and only in the corner around the floor. My laptop won’t pick up a signal and my ipad did for a bit but quit. It was extremely frustrated trying to get to go online. I Just wanted to talk to my love for a little bit. I was laying on the hard wood floors trying to get a signal and my body was hurting and it was just not fun. I was upset about it. I got to talk to Ryan for a bit on my ipad and the internet went out and i was mad so i took a shower and ate some pasta my mom made. I tried to go back online again later but nothing i did worked… so i gave up went into bed and watched Ghost Town with my mom. It was nice watching a movie with her. We were both bored and there is nothing to do in this house.

The Furniture is supposed to come today which will be good. Hopefully the internet will pick up. I’m going to go out today and try to buy some more gifts. Hopefully when i get back this place will feel more like a home. It’s gorgeous… it’s big and roomy, but right now it’s just really empty.

I’ve been able to go online right now because my dad is letting me borrow his computer which, miraculously, it getting an internet signal. Poo on my computer. Ugh.

I really miss my love. I hope he’s doing alright without me. I don’t know if i’ll be going on a road trip or anything tomorrow. But i do know that i’ll be home in 5 days. Just 5 days sweety! Less than a week. We can totally do it. I miss you and i love you and you know that you’re my whole world. We can tough it out. You are always on my mind and i know that you think about me too. You’re my angel, my beautiful darling honey bee! I listen to your song and snuggle my t-rex when i miss you…. and soon i’ll be able to snuggle you too. MUAH. Hopefully i’ll be able to go online again tonight. LOVE YOU DEAR

less than a week yo

Today i woke up. Watched part of ‘Confessions of a Shopaholic’. Ryan wasn’t on aim so i messaged him on facebook because my dad was coming to pick me up to go do something. I convinced my cousins to come with and my mom, dad, sister, cousin emre and ebru, and i all went out. It was refreshing to get out of the house after being stuck here for so long. 

We went to a small town and had good sea food and salad. They ate ice cream but i felt i couldn’t. Then we went to a place by the sea to have some yogurt with powdered sugar on top. We walked around a tad and then we went home. 

I talked to my love for a while. Which was amazing because i was worried he wouldn’t be there. 

Then i went swimming. Took a shower. Now i’m watching ‘Bride Wars’ but i’m too tired to carry on. So i think i’m going to go to sleep. 

I can’t wait to go home. Tomorrow we are going out again and i’m not sure if i’ll stay at my grammies or go to my parents place. The day after that my parents and sister and i are supposedly going on a two day road trip. I have no idea what the plans are any more but i know i’m going home soon and am very excited. 

I miss my love more than anything. I keep listening to the song he wrote me and it makes me so happy. 

My head hurts and i’m super tired though. There is nothing i want more than for him and i to be snuggling in bed together. I am so excited to be home. It’ll happen soon though. It’s going to be amazing. 

i love you hunny bear. You’re my darling turnip! My angel pie. My honey bee. My life. Muah. 

I am so proud of you love. Everything you do. You’re just amazing. 

bzzz bzzzz

The love that I feel for Ryan transcends any range of emotion I thought I could ever feel. It’s overwhelming and also the best thing in the universe. 

When I think of my love so many things come to mind. His freckles. His orangey hair. His soft skin and beautiful green eyes. He reminds me of sunshine, fresh air, and a soft warm shade of orange. He reminds me the colors of autumn, being barefoot on the lawn, our dog, Artemus. I am reminded of the soulful sound of the guitar, how he closes his eyes when he’s smilin’ all proud. He makes me think of all the things that make me feel safe, warm, comfortable, beautiful, natural, innocent, and simple. I love how simple our love is. I am so excited to be with this amazing person for the rest of my life. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that he’s not the one. I don’t feel whole without him. We share our lives together. It’s the best. 

Being with someone like him makes me feel like there is so much more to life than just living and dying. I don’t want our relationship to end when we are old and die. 

Do others think about this? Am I an uber romantic? I know Ryan feels the same way. 

Who wants to just have it all end when they are old. When you have something so wonderful and amazing in your life it makes you believe that the feelings you have will last forever. My feelings will be here even after I am gone. There will be something good left behind. I just know it. 

He makes me feel whole. 

I didn’t do anything today. But the day went by pretty quickly anyways. I am just counting down the days. 7 more! Just a week love. I want to be home and with you now. 

I watched the movie Penelope ( yes Ryan, that’s why i said i like that name ;) .. ) and the movie License to Wed. I also went swimming for a bit. My parents came by with a shirt and my swim suit and another skirt and shoes. I’m supposed to be going to the new house tomorrow but it’s been put off for the past 3 days so who knows at this point. 

The rest of the day I talked to my hunny. I miss him so much it hurts. I was feeling down and he asked me if singing me a song would cheer me up. I love it when he sings to me… so i said yes. I was expecting an old song.. but he started singing something new i didn’t recognize. I thought he would cut it halfway in.. but it was a finished song! It was one he recently wrote for me! It was amazing. I was so impressed! 

My love is so incredibly talented. He said he missed me so much and wrote me that song. He gave me the wav file so i could listen to it on my computer too. I love listening to his songs. I love my hunnys voice. Ryan and I were on webcam at the time and i wanted to play the song to make sure it worked … and a few seconds into it i started crying. I just choked. His voice was so clear… When i hear him on the webcam it sounds muffled or staticy or something. Hearing his voice so clear in a romantic song he wrote for me… I can’t believe how much I miss him. I’ve been apart from people before. I usually go to Turkey every other year for much longer than this… I can’t be away from Ryan. Every day is a struggle. I wake up to look on facebook to see what he wrote me, go to Tumblr to see what he wrote me. Check my e-mails. Then lay back down and wait for 5 pm to roll around so he can wake up and I can hear from him again.  

Don’t get me wrong. Turkey is great. It’s beautiful here. I have family. I had an internship. It’s different here and the food is good. I am free (for the most part) to travel around and explore…. but i’d much rather be home. I miss the comfort of my apartment. I miss Ryans and my paintings on the wall, charlie being lazy, our collection of dvds, the good we make, our super messy room, but we plop down on our bed and hug each other and everything is perfect. I miss my energetic dog Artemus, the big willow tree outside our balcony, our worn out brown comfy couch, and our yellow ol’ chairs. The unfinished drawing on the wall, all the projects we need to do, our book shelf mixed with stories from when we were kids and books we still need to read. I love that everything is ours. We share everything. I have no intention of ever saying something is all mine. Everything is ours. We share our lives, our love, our stuff, our adventures. We are the best. 

How the hell did i get so lucky? 

He’s my honey bee <3